Looking for a decent gentleman in 2017 isn’t as easy as it used to be. I would say that looking for a decent woman is probably hard as well. Dating in general in the 21st Century has proven to be difficult for anyone who has been out of the game a long time. No girl is bothered to dress up in uncomfortably high heels and transferring red lipstick just to impress a stranger that she swiped right on Tinder. Add in the nerves, preparing topics of conversation and simply trying not to come off as an idiot is hard enough.
I’d rather stay in bed and binge-watch Jane the Virgin instead. Lucky for me, I’m in an almost 5-year relationship and I have the luxury of wearing my PJ’s to my boyfriend’s house without judgement. I think that’s what we’re all looking for in the end – someone who will accept our lazy gal traits, our no-makeup faces, our unwashed (dry shampooed) 3-day old hair and more.
So as someone who has been out of the game for a long time, you’re probably wondering, what the hell do I know? Not only do I know, I’ve witnessed on a few occasions the misery that girls go through when a relationship filled with hope and future goes to shit. And I think I may know why.
All About You
I’m going to delve into you first – accepting your struggles is the first thing before jumping into the dating game. Having awareness about the way you see you will help you see how others see you – it sounds complicated, but it’s really not!
Back to Basics
For anyone who doesn’t know, I’m currently studying a Cert 3 in makeup and I’ve learnt a lot. But the one thing I learnt that really helped me was Era make up. We spent about 4 practical lessons learning about the foundations of makeup dated way back to the 1920’s. Why did we learn about Sharpie brows and paper thin lips? Because everything started from somewhere. All the dating tricks and tips used to woo a person didn’t just appear out of thin air. Pick up lines were used when our great, great grandpa was trying to score a date with our great, great grandma. Right? Going back to basics not only eliminates the dangers of technology, it also shines a light on what people used to do before the internet and smartphones.
All the dating tricks and tips used to woo a person didn’t just appear out of thin air. Pick up lines were used when our great, great grandpa was trying to score a date with our great, great grandma. Right? Going back to basics not only eliminates the dangers of technology, it also shines a light on what people used to do before the internet and smartphones.
Pull away from Tinder and dating apps or websites for just a moment and try meeting people in real life. If generations and generations of people did it before us without swiping left or right to meet ‘the one’ then how come we can’t?
So now that we’ve established the fact that you don’t need Tinder to find your man, let’s get to the next big thing that us girls struggle with the most. What’s the point of finding someone to love you when you don’t even share a love for yourself? It sounds narcissistic to some people, but I truly feel that in order to successfully be comfortable dating another human being, you have to be 110% comfortable in your own skin. You can check out 5 Ways to Overcome Feelings of Insecurity for my in-depth breakdown about this.
Destroy Your Baggage
Next to insecurities, baggage is probably the next big thing that can interfere with a woman’s dating game. This is one that I’ve struggled with before and it can really mess up someone’s psyche unless dealt with properly. Ex-partners hold a lot of baggage and most of the time, that baggage is garbage.
Relationships have a funny way of working, when you’re finally over your ex and ready to move on, they always somehow manoeuvre their way back into your life without permission. When this happens, we feel as though it’s fate and you’re destined to be together again simply because you read that damn quote ‘If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it was meant to be’. I’m so sorry to burst your bubble but this is bullshit – unless you’re really, really lucky.
So in saying that, destroy your baggage. If you need closure, confront your past one last time and move on. If you need to throw out old photos, old jewellery or teddy bears, then you need to just do it. If you need to cry your eyes out while watching A Walk to Remember then there’s no shame in that – I did it. Everyone deals with loss a different way but the whole point of this step is for you to actually do it. If you’re still lingering about your ex, then you are:
a) Wasting your own time
b) Wasting your date’s time and that’s not fair.
When people have come to me for dating advice, I usually say one of two things:
1) Stop looking, when the time’s right, he’ll come to you
2) Put yourself out there
And now that I assess myself, I can see how contradictory my “advice” can be (oops). So let me clear it up for you. I think when people invest themselves into looking for ‘the one’ all day, every day, it becomes a very unhealthy habit. As desperate as it may sound, we are all human beings and we all want to feel loved and cared for by another person – so constantly being on the lookout for the one isn’t the worst thing. BUT, when you’ve been searching for so long, you’ll end up losing hope or you’ll end up on Tinder. (FYI I am not against Tinder or the dating app world but I am old school when it comes to relationships – ’nuff said.)
The two points that I stated above, I believe that you can do both. Put a pause on looking if you feel you’re losing hope, but give everyone that approaches you a chance. The dating game is no place for snobs and shallow people unless you’re both shallow – then you’re the perfect match! Rejection is a big part of the game but so is acceptance. Don’t be so quick to judge because you’ll probably find that the guy you least expected to be perfect for you, turns out to be more than that. Is that cheesy enough for you all?
I’ve decided to split this topic in half. This one, in particular, is all you, the second one will be dating etiquette, what to do and what not to do – that’ll be a ball. I hope you enjoyed and comment below your dating tips!